A Basket Full of Grace

The first time I realized I would have to do things different in my new-found season of singleness was when I was leaving the grocery store. It was only my second trip to the store since Jay and I had separated. I was in line to check out and I noticed a woman staring at my basket. Perhaps her eyes were merely resting in my basket’s general direction, but it felt judge-y. Her long stare made me take another look at my own basket. Suddenly, I became aware of all my odd food choices. As a matter of fact, I questioned if the basket was even mine! None of the items were things I would normally buy. Everything I was carting around was from the frozen food section! I thought to myself, “Who’s basket IS this?!” I felt embarrassment rush over me. I re-counted my steps through the store. Sure enough— the basket was mine. Without realizing it I had solely shopped in the frozen food section. I loaded everything onto the conveyor belt, but my mind felt as numb as my cold fingers. As the items were being scanned I assessed the situation and I noticed something: everything was super quick meals which could be mindlessly thrown together. Makes sense… I was feeling pretty mindless. I felt ashamed of myself. My kids deserved better from me. I would normally have lots of fresh produce and meats in my cart. However, not a one was present that day.

I continued to evaluate myself as I walked to my car. All I could think about is how it felt impossible to measure up. I felt failure and pain everywhere I looked. My marriage had failed, I failed my children, and apparently I even failed at grocery shopping. And that’s the moment the Lord stopped me and said something so very kind to me. He asked me to evaluate my cart again. Then He said, “This is what grace looks like, Elise. This… this is a basket full of grace.”

That’s when I saw it; I had fresh eyes for the situation. I wasn’t failing my kids. I was at the store because I knew I needed to feed them. It might not be the meals they were used to. The time and attention to detail might not be there. But there would be food in the house and their bellies would be full. At first, I saw my basket full of short-cut meals as some neglectful act toward my family. But God kept reassuring me the contents of my basket was what grace looks like.

Grace gently says, “I know your body is racked with anguish and you don’t have the strength to stand for very long.” Grace says, “I know you’re wrestling with a million thoughts today and because you’re wrestling with a million thoughts you didn’t realize it’s dinner time and the kids are hungry right. this. minute.” Grace says, “Here’s a different way of getting dinner ready. And guess what? It’s quick and it'll get the job done!” Grace reminds you, “Life won’t always be this difficult."

Did you know manna was a physical representation of grace? It’s not what the wandering Israelites wanted to eat every day… but it was sufficient; it sustained them. Manna couldn’t be saved or held on reserve. They only received enough manna for the day they were living in. Sometimes we try to store up grace so we have some for a rainy day… because “we deserve a break” or “we might not get grace from someone when we need it” so we decide to give ourselves grace. I hate to break it to you, but grace isn’t self-administered. In a world of self-care I realize this won’t be a popular opinion. (So I guess it’s a good thing I’m not in a popularity contest!) I can’t buy into the philosophy of self-care, and here’s why: We aren't entitled to grace; it isn't owed to us. It's a free gift. I believe God is who cares for us. If self-care were actually a thing for me it would have to be redefined as “I’m choosing to receive God’s grace today, and I feel cared for (sustained) because of grace.”

The Bible reminds us God’s grace is sufficient; it’s enough. It might not be everything we want, but it’s all we actually need in the moment. God’s grace will get us through when we are in the thick of it. Sometimes all the extra stuff has to be set aside and we have to rest in His grace and say, “This is sufficient for now.”

I don't claim to have this whole grace thing figured out. I'm hard on myself. I'm critical and my harsh words cut deep. My inner critic is a mean, old broad, and she doesn’t play well with others… especially not with grace. Self-care seems like such a kind and wonderful concept. However, God cares for us far better than we could ever care for ourselves. So whether you passionately campaign for self-care or not... I think we are all looking for the same end result. We all want to be taken care of. We all want assurance we're going to be ok at the end of the day. The difference between self-care and grace boils down to the source. Self-care is self-serving. Grace is God's act of service to you.

So how are you being shown grace today? Where is the “manna” in your day? And here’s a more important question: Will you receive God's grace when He extends it to you? I remember the day I awakened to His grace. I was pushing a cart of frozen food to my car; my basket full of grace.