Dating Woes

It’s time we broach the subject every curious person wants to ask us single people. I’ve learned to sense the question coming. If I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while it seems to be the first thing they ask. I even had an ex in-law stop me in the grocery store parking lot to ask!

What, pray tell, is the question every single lady gets asked more than anything else? I bet you’ve already guessed: “So… have you met anyone yet?”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this question in the past couple of years. I’m not even the slightest bit bothered by people asking me. I just wish I had a more exciting answer than, “Nope!”

Dating is tricky enough without the added elements of single parenting and living in a rural area. When I was newly single, I decided online dating was not for me. It’s not a matter of thinking online dating is wrong… it’s just not for me. If you met your mate on a dating website: Congrats! I’m so glad online dating worked for you! Alls I’m sayin’ is it’s not for this girl.

After my divorce, I was told by well-meaning friends and family, “You’re going to have men beating down your door to date you.” LIES!!! This has absolutely not been my experience. Not that I would even want this to happen anyway. Honestly, that sounds like a lot of drama and stress.

Over the past three years my dating life has consisted of one confusing night out. (ONE!)

[Insert cricket noises here]

Enter: “The Story”

A long-time friend and I were chatting one day and during our convo we made plans to catch a movie the next day. This was not an unusual occurrence for us. Old friends who love to laugh, that’s what we are. Although, it had been a while since we had hung out just the two of us. As the evening approached, we talked again and decided to meet up for dinner before the movie.

(Your girl loves to eat.)

I showed up to the restaurant at the agreed upon time, but he was already there. He had already gotten a table, ordered appetizers, and was waiting for me before breaking into the food. We sat, and talked, and ate, and shared food. It’s what we do. At the end of the meal, he took the check and paid for it. I wasn’t expecting that. He’s a generous guy, so it wasn’t out of character… but I had assumed we were going dutch.

It was time to head to the theater so we left the restaurant and separately headed to the show. There was a line at the ticket counter when I got there and he was ahead of me by several people. After his turn at the counter he scanned the crowd to find me. When he spotted me, he waved for me to get out of line and said “I've got your ticket!”

That’s when it hit me…

Was I on a DATE?!?!

He got to the restaurant early... He paid for our meal... He got my movie ticket...

None of those things were uncommon practices for my thoughtful friend… but they were also not uncommon practices for a date. I became increasingly aware of every little detail of the night. Had I even shaved my legs?!?!?! We went into the theater to pick seats and it was mostly empty. We stood at the bottom and he asked me where I prefer to sit. I told him I like the row behind the handicap seating because I like to prop my feet on the rail. There was a woman sitting in a row close to where we were standing. She was watching us and seemed amused. As we moved to the seats we chose she slyly smiles at us and says, “Uh oh! It looks like someone is on a first date!”

I’m pretty sure we both froze. At least, that’s how I remember it. There was for sure an awkward pause and then we both just laughed nervously and sat down. Neither of us ever addressed it.

Y’all. It was SO AWKWARD!!!

My bestie was at my house watching my youngest and my middle child was at a birthday party while I was out. As soon as we sat down I texted her:

Me: He paid for dinner.

BFF: SWEET!

Me: He bought my movie ticket.

BFF: …

Me: …is this a date???

BFF: Maybe?

Me: This lady in the theater thinks we are on our first date. She just said, “Uh oh! It looks like someone is on a first date!”

BFF: lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololoololololololol

Me: WHAT IS HAPPENING???

BFF: lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololoololololololol

Me: …am I on a date with ____________?!

BFF: `\_o_/`

Giggles. She just giggled. (Well, she also brainstormed a way to pawn my youngest off on someone else so she could sneak into the movie and spy on us, but her efforts were unsuccessful.)

The movie we chose was goofy and light-hearted. We belly-laughed at the silliest things. It was a fun night out with a friend. But if it were a date, it wouldn’t have been an exciting one. It fell flat. There were no sparks.

When the movie was over there was no lingering in the parking lot to talk. We said goodnight and I headed to my car. Part of me was disappointed. Finding love with a good friend sounds incredible. And safe. But budding love was not on the menu for us.

I left to go collect my kiddo from the birthday party and tried to figure out what in the world just happened. The party was at a family friend’s house. When I arrived, my girlfriend invited me to sit on her couch and visit for a few minutes while the boys played a bit longer. She asked, “So, what did you do tonight?” I hesitantly replied, “I think I went out on a date tonight… but, honestly, I’m not sure!”

The look of shock on her face. It was priceless. She was genuinely happy for me, but also: just as confused as I was. I kept playing it over and over in my mind. I finally came to the conclusion that if he meant for the night to be a date then he would’ve made it clear… maybe. If it was a date, it wasn’t a good one. If it was just two good friends going out for dinner and a movie, then it was a solid night out!

In all seriousness, I’m so glad this confusing night happened. It taught me so much. It forced me to answer some questions. Questions like:

Do I have to know where things are going with a guy before I agree to go hang out?

What if I know I’m on a date, but there are no sparks?

What if I know I’m just hanging out with a friend, but both of us feel something more is happening?

I don’t even necessarily have answers for these questions… but questioning these things has brought me to some conclusions:

Defining something that still needs time to develop (like love/romance) isn’t wise. I’m such a rule-follower and I’m constantly looking for where the boundaries are in a situation. If I don’t know where the boundaries are I feel lost. I like things clearly defined. Dating, especially in the beginning, doesn’t always fit in the clearly defined boundaries I naturally crave.

My expectations have been off. This isn’t a Hallmark movie and I, try as I may, am not Candace Cameron Bure. I would like to think I know how my future romance will unfold. But I truly believe God can orchestrate the right romance much better than I (or Hallmark) ever could.

In a perfect world, an evening out with a guy is clearly defined and a girl always knows if she’s supposed to shave her legs for said night out. But that’s not always how life works. Feelings can develop when you least expect. And, let’s be honest, sometimes you expect there to be a flutter in your stomach, but all you get is gas.

So there you have it, my darling starlings. My current love life in 1,500 words or less. I don’t have a thrilling romance to write about yet, but in the meantime I promise to keep you well-informed (and sometimes even laughing).