I think back to Thanksgiving from 5 years ago. I was married, living in my dream home, hosting a gigantic feast. I filled every inch of common living space with food, decor, and people I loved. I spent weeks planning and decorating. It wasn’t a burden, though. I truly enjoy decorating and hosting. But I was in a very different season of life then. This year will look nothing like that. There will be no HGTV inspired decor and no need for extra tables and chairs. Thanksgiving will be a casual affair, and can I just say: I’m here for it! My kids don’t care about flower-filled, pumpkin center pieces. They don’t even care about stuffing… they just want time at home with family. So that’s what I’m focusing on: a simple meal with my kids. The pressure is off. It will just be me and the kids… and possibly my kid brother and niece (...if he ever calls me back. Nick: call your sister!). We have had heartfelt invites to go elsewhere, but it’s time to start some new traditions.

This can be a particularly difficult season for some. I’ve always loved Thanksgiving (Hello! I’m here for the food!), but this one is very different. I was recently sitting in a meeting at work and as things were winding down everyone was asked about their plans for the upcoming holiday. Some were hosting family, others were going out of town, some were even making several stops in one day. Then it was my turn. I opened my mouth to reply, but my throat clenched shut and tears welled up in my eyes. I knew I was sad, but I didn’t realize how sad until that moment. I literally can’t think about Thursday without tearing up. (For real… I’m crying as I write this.)

Every few years there has been a shift in what Thanksgiving looks like for our family. Feuds wiped out most of the relatives in our already-small family. Divorce took out the other substantial part of why I loved Thanksgiving. My ex-husband’s family is huge and full of characters. They’re a playful, jovial bunch. Someone is always up for a board game or willing to hang back on the couch with a cup of joe and a listening ear. I miss them. Thanksgiving was especially fun because of their zany traditions: everyone would show up Thanksgiving morning in their PJs and grab a slice of pumpkin pie (yes, you read that right: pumpkin pie for breakfast) and sit down to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade. I love non-traditional traditions. It is such a “Let them eat cake!” sentiment.

Three years ago, at the beginning of my divorce, I said goodbye to holidays with my in-laws and pumpkin pie for breakfast. It was hard, but I had my family surrounding me and filling in the gaps. This year, I say goodbye to a Boston accent, hilarious stories told from across the pond, and the smell of my mom’s famous sourdough rolls. Every few years our Thanksgiving table gets smaller and smaller. What tugs at my heart is the absence of people I love; they can’t be replaced; the traditions aren’t the same without their faces. I didn’t realize how much I was still grieving the loss of these traditions until I was sitting in a meeting trying to choke back tears.

This Thanksgiving almost brought me to my saturation point. I was tired of the changes and concessions. Here I am craving consistency and this season feels like more loss. But then I was sweetly reminded: In a world where nothing else is constant, Jesus is. If you’re in a transition this season: take the pressure off yourself. Yes, things are different. Don’t fight the differences. Don’t expect to keep the same traditions. That can honestly just bring up painful reminders of how it’s “not the same without _______ here." Jesus is with you in the middle of this transition. People... even family... may come and go, but Jesus never leaves. He’s the only constant in my life. That’s why I love Him so.