In the middle of the divorce, Jay’s scandalous relationship dissolved and he moved to another state. Somewhere during all of this he met and started dating a young woman from my area. I’m not giving you all the juicy details for 2 reasons:

1. I’m telling my story; not his.

2. I try very hard to stay out of the details of his life since the divorce. I don’t go seeking information that doesn’t concern me or my kids. (Part of breaking soul ties with your ex requires you to stop thinking you have control over their actions and behaviors.)

Since Jay lives out of state the boys don't see him very often. Most of his family still lives in the area and his girlfriend was living here as well, so Jay would come down for a visit when he could. One particular visit he picked the boys up from school and spent the afternoon with them. He dropped them off in the evening and the boys were full of excitement as they returned from visiting with their dad.

Upon arrival, I noticed Jax was carrying something with him. He saw me looking at what he had, then he pensively paused. Like a light switch my oldest son’s face lit up and he exuberantly said, “It's for you!” as he extended his hand to reveal a very large lemon. I'm looking at this lemon and I'm thinking what an odd/random thing for an 11 year old to bring home. I took it and tried to match his excitement as I asked where it came from. Jax’s expression went from excitement to panic as he registered my inquiry. He stumbled over his words, but not for long. Jayden eagerly interjected with a sense of injustice: “That's not your lemon, Mom! Brie said Jax could have it!” Yep… theeerrrrre it is. The lemon was from Brie's lemon tree. Brie was Jay's new girlfriend.

There were so many things to think, and say, and not express with my face. I never thought I'd be standing in my house — holding fruit from my ex-husband's girlfriend — wondering if I should freeze it and fast-pitch it through the window of Jay's car or make some bomb lemonade from it. I had a strong urge to do one of those two activities and I can honestly say I wasn’t in the mood for lemonade.

Let me pause here to say I have no ill feelings toward this young woman. However, it was the first time I'd been in a position where another woman was spending time with my boys in this capacity... and it stung.

So there I was trying to make my face look normal in front of two very impressionable little boys. Jax and Jayden started fighting over who picked the lemon, who lost their lemon, and who was the intended recipient of the lemon in question. All I wanted to do was get rid of it. Toss it. Throw. It. Away. But throwing it away wasn't going to solve anything. Besides, it was obvious by the boys’ arguing they were conflicted about spending time with another woman.

The lemon represented a lot of different things, but as I stood there holding a giant, unwanted lemon I knew I had to treat it like all of the other bitter things that had left a sour taste in my mouth. You see, there were so many times in the first couple of years since the separation and divorce where I was stuck holding a lemon I didn’t want; consequences from Jay’s decisions I was forced to deal with. Every time another consequence popped up I would get mad all over again. Every time I got mad it would exhaust me. And every time I reached a point of exhaustion, God would remind me I had already forgiven Jay. (Oh yeah, I momentarily forgot. Sorry, God.)

So I decided against practicing my fast-pitch. I set it on the kitchen counter and proceeded to break up the boys' fight. It didn’t take much… I just told them they wouldn’t get any lemonade tomorrow if they kept fighting.

You might have been given the sourest lemon ever. I love the quote from the doc on This Is Us, “You took the sourest lemon that life has to offer and turned it into something resembling lemonade." Maybe it wasn’t divorce. Maybe is was a death. Maybe it was an illness. Maybe it was the betrayal of a friend. Maybe you were abandoned. Maybe you were violated. Most of us can point to something that has left us with immense pain to deal with. I refuse to let these moments cripple me.

We can let our bitter moments stay the way they are… or we can view those lemons as a mere ingredient. A necessary ingredient for something sweet and refreshing. Your life is a balance of bitter and sweet. Sharing these stories with you is my lemonade. And speaking of lemonade, I want to share my bomb lemonade recipe with you! This recipe was inspired by my favorite popsicle flavor. Click here for Starling Story’s first recipe: Sparkling Lavender Lemonade